Likewise, I am confident that neither …
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Even Before
“Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.” Psalm 139:4 (ESV)
There are lists. There are lists of symptoms for depression and lists of the observable behaviors of mania. In fact, such episodes have elements so universal they can be succinctly delineated in bullet points.* Continue reading
Veiled Canvas
“Give up any hope of changing the past.” I’ve heard that phrase in a variety of forms over the years. It makes sense and it is true. Kind of.
Praying to “Our” Father
I think it is significant that Jesus taught us to pray collectively, with plural pronouns: our Father, our daily bread, our trespasses. It helps us know that, at the very core of our being, despite all the differences, we are children of the same Father. Each of us has daily needs, every one of us broken by our own sins and all living in a fallen world.
Plan A
I was taken aback at the question my friend had just posed. And, in truth, I was embarrassed that I had never thought of it myself. Well, never, might be too severe. But I hadn’t asked it in decades. “What do you think God’s purpose is for Douglas’ life?”
“Whatever His purpose was, surely it has been sabotaged by mental illness,” I thought silently. “Surely God moved on to ‘Plan B’ a long time ago,” I reasoned in my heart. Continue reading
Unceasing Prayer
If ever there was a discipline of the Christian faith that I practice regularly it is this one: pray without ceasing. Sometimes I wonder if there is ever a moment in my day when, in the secret spaces of my heart, I am not crying out to God for healing, for safety, for mercy—for my son. Continue reading
Falling Among Robbers
Jesus tells a story about a man who was just going about his business, traveling the road of his own life, when he “fell among robbers who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead.” And though Jesus doesn’t name the victim, I think he was called “Douglas.” Continue reading
Bringing Him Glory
A speaker I heard told this story: As young children, he and his brother were playing by a lake. His brother fell into the water, and not knowing yet how to swim, began flailing about in a drowner’s panic. This boy, too, became hysterical as he looked on, too small to rescue his brother. Feeling utterly helpless, he did the only thing he could do—he began screaming for his mother, who arrived instantly and pulled the terrified child from the water.
Not Willing
Douglas paces back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across our living room like a caged cougar, pausing periodically in mid-stride to roar with a string of disassociated words before resuming the drill. I so want to scoop him in my arms and swaddle him like I did when he was infant, holding him tightly to sooth the screaming torment. How I long to gather him and his random rage under the protection of my mothering wings. But he is not willing.
Sparks of Redemptive Grace 